21

now that im legally "legal" to do anything that i want to (i think ive already did those things before i turn 21. lol) but seriously, turning 21 made me realize that as years go by birthday's arent that big of a deal after all(anymore). i mean all the excitements and anticipations were all shattered each year as my age adds up. maybe the reason for that is that 5 years ago when our mom left us for abroad, things begun to change enormously, physically, emotionally and i might say "financially". i remember when our mom left us to work abroad that was week before christmas, i mean couldnt she just leave right after christmas? but my my mom already had the ticket and theres nothing she can do about it. i remember right before mama left us that morning i was preparing my stuffs to go to school (i was 4th yr high school back then) while i was fixing my shoe sitting on the floor, my mom sat beside me and said

"mag paka bait ka ah, alagan mo lagi sila papa at ate mo. wag mong papabayaan ang pag aaral mo ah. love na love ka ni mama. sandali lang naman ako mawawala eh saka kailangan ko lang talaga gawin to para sa kinabukasan nyong mag kapatid..."

i didnt said anything back and i just nod along as if im all fine with it i didnt even looked at my mom because she was already crying at that moment. i just stood up right away and said "ma, alis na ko. my exams pa ko eh baka ma late na ko." when i was about to go out of our house my mom suddenly approach me and once again gave me a hug so tightly and she started to cry again. as i walked far away from our house i didnt looked back but i know my mom was still there looking at me until she can no longer she me in her sight. on my way to school tears just flows in my eyes, i can no longer bare the emotion that i was hiding even before we had that conversation moments ago, the reason for that is that i just dont want to show my mom that i was really crying deep inside because that just may affect her even more. i am so much closer to my mom than to dad, my mom is like a good old friend that i can always depend on and share my problems with that is why when she left for abroad i was really really devastated. Christmas, New Years and Birthday's (espcially mine) has been different for us for the past five years not having my mom spending with us. even though my mom is not with us spending those important occasions she keeps it a point that she calls us every now and then, we call our mom almost everyday as if shes with us but the thing is she cant be with us physically. as i turned 21, birthdays are no longer big deal for me, (for now) i dont know i just dont simply get the importance of it anymore maybe im just saying this because my mom is not with me to celebrate it, back when i was kid my mom is usually the first one to greet me, she will crawled up to my bed and wakes me up and greets me "happy birthday!". maybe it does not boils down to that reason,i dont know,maybe im too old for that kind of stuffs anymore (no. not that thing where my mom wakes me up. HECK NO!) what i mean is, im too old to celebrate my birthday. its like "hey its your birthday chay!" and ill respond "yeah i know, tara inuman tayo" thats it, my perception of birthdays are now different back when i was kid. before when i heard of birthdays all i can think of are ballons, cakes, and of course, presents! but now Beers, Yosi, beers, yosi..see the difference from then and now? lol! and i can say is that i know this is not the kind of stuff that i should be bragging about but here it goes, they say that once you reach the legal age you are now in your new chapter of your life and you can now do the crazy stuffs you all wanted to do. but for me i think all those "stuffs" i already done that when i reach 16! (sex, drugs, piercings, vices and everything your parents forbid you not to do) but still not all. i said to myself before or when i turn 21 ill get myself a tattoo, thats my next step. as the matter of fact im going to get one later!. is that mean i already surpass the "supposed" chapter of my life and i am now to the next serious chapter one? but having said all those things that doesnt make me a bad person or whatever you do in your life is a reflection of how your parents brought you to be. THATS BS! my parents are so totally out of this. its my own my choice. i just did that so that once i get older and i have a family of my own i can look back and said " i had a blast during my time" haha! but that doest mean im gonna let my kids to do those things. HELL NO! i will not forbid them totally to do so, but just on the right age. haha. how cool Dad i am ha! haha! *sigh* anyways i guess that all i want to say. oh by the way, i havent told to anyone when was my birthday, last week made me laugh so hard. my friends knew that my birthday is coming up but they didnt know exactly when, havent they remember last year?! the nerve that they didnt remember so what i did was i just simply didnt tell to them, the thing is that they keep greeting me for the whole week! haha. since they have no idea when is it, they just know that my birtday is right after valentines day but thats it they dont know when exactly. i even removed all the message greetings that my other friends wrote to me on my facebook account so that my LM peeps will have no idea. haha. fool yah! ill soon going to tell them maybe tomorrow when its no longer my birthday.(saka para iwas gatos na rin. nag pa inom nako nung friday dun sa BA barkada ko at dun grupo nila mark and next dun sa mga high school friends ko. pero sa mga LM peeps, hmm. siguro this week na sila. langya naman kasi eh, grabe na ang gastos ko!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!